Alpha Male

When I was growing up, my older brother claims that I was constantly attacking him verbally. He says I would make statements not obviously directed at him but passive aggressively trying to goad him into a fight. This he interpreted as an attack.

I think what I was really doing was testing him. I would make statements and ask questions, sometimes in response to assertions he made. My brother viewed this as a threat. I think, as the younger sibling and female (yes, at birth but is there really any other kind?), my behavior was actually quite normal. How else was I supposed to determine if he was really as confident and awesome as he tried to make everyone believe. How else could I know if, as a resident male, he was worthy of my allegiance? How else could I find out if he was capable of protecting me from the screwed up, scary outside world?

I think, in some sense, it was actually a mis-represented complement. The correct response was confident instruction, calmly explaining why I was wrong, or graciously being open to new ideas and ways of thinking. This would have made me feel safe, confident in the knowledge that he knew what he was doing. Instead, his reaction was to become defensive and degenerate into arguing and verbal abuse. This made me feel very anxious and probably contributed to life-long digestive issues.

As a child, I wanted to know if I could trust my brother as a protector, but I think the same philosophy translates into romantic relationships.

Men often think women are annoying and this is sometimes an excuse for knocking them around. Men think by doing this, they are asserting their dominance and, putting the woman in her place. But that could not be further from the truth. What they are really doing is asserting their intellectual insecurity and using their obviously greater physical strength to gain control of the situation.

I think many times when women are 'annoying' what they are really doing is testing men in an attempt to find out if they are really as awesome (smart, funny, patient, etc.) as they say they are. Ultimately, the woman's goal is to try and find out if this man is worthy of giving up the months and years of her life necessary to bear and raise his child. Of course, most of this is done instinctually and subconsciously, which is what makes it all so confusing for both parties.